Equal relationships (GENDER EQUALITY) between a man and a woman are still rare. For many, gender equality is perceived as a myth at all, since it does not fit with the usual patterns about the role of men and women in relationships and the family. Moreover, the very concept of equal relations is often distorted. You can build such a relationship, but you should understand that they are not suitable for everyone.
What is equality between man and woman?
An equal relationship is a partnership in which a man and a woman abandon their prejudices about how everything should be in a family, solve any issues together, and agree on everything on equal terms. Both the man and the woman have their own plans, their own beliefs and their own vision of the relationship. But equality means that people agree on all aspects of family relations, and then live by these agreements.
Everyone should clearly understand: any partnerships not only about equal rights, but also obligations.
It is also important that an equal marriage is possible when the social status, as well as the investments of the partners, are approximately the same. Equality opposes the concept of the traditional family, where a man and a woman consult each other, but the final decision on the main issues belongs to the man. In traditional relations, there is a vertical of power, equal relations are built on the principle of democracy.
When equality is possible
“Equality” sounds nice, but in reality everything can be more complicated. Partners must be able to negotiate, and for this you need not only to speak yourself, but also to listen to the other, not to interrupt, to restrain your emotions. You need to be able to adhere to the rules and agreements, and for this a person must have inner discipline. Not everyone is ready to build such a relationship.
The possibility of partnership depends on whether the partner has the ability and desire to be disciplined and responsible:
If a woman is used to being offended, giving vent to emotions, then it is impossible to build partnerships with her.
If a man is used to deciding everything himself, does not know how to listen, is not ready to consult with a woman and take her opinion into account, then partnership is impossible.
When it comes to the family, equality in partner families even concerns children: parents who build equal relations with each other also try to listen to the child’s opinion.
Equality is possible between people with inner discipline.
Who partnerships are not suitable for:
Equality means equal rights and opportunities for both partners. Partnerships are not suitable for those who are used to traditional relationships. For example, equity implies that family expenses are divided equally. If a man and a woman live on the principles of equality, then they should invest the same amount in the general budget. It’s good if the salaries of both partners are about the same. But if a woman’s salary is two, three, or even more times less than a man’s salary, then she will have to invest half of her salary, while he – only a small part. Partnerships are not for everyone.
Thus, partnerships may not be very beneficial when a man and a woman have different social status. They will not suit people who are dependent on a partner either. For example, a woman expected to be a housewife in marriage, and a man who prefers partnership assumes that she will work as well.
But for whom partnership is ideal, it is for people who want to be sure that their interests will be protected by agreements. They are attractive to women who are building a career, leading an active lifestyle and do not want to be limited by close family boundaries. Partnerships may not be suitable for people with different social status.
How to build an equal relationship
Learn to talk to each other:
Do not start conversations with grievances and claims, otherwise, either a defensive reaction or an attack will occur in response, which will lead to mutual disputes and quarrels. To avoid this, tune in to a positive, friendly attitude before speaking. Restrain your emotions, try not to attack your partner.
Start the dialogue with a constructive proposal:
Try to calmly and intelligibly explain what exactly does not suit you and how you would like to change the current situation. The spouse or partner should not feel pressured. If the dialogue is positive and benevolent, then the partner himself will go to meet you. These rules apply to any topic: distribution of household chores, money, and parenting.
Work on your inner discipline:
No equal relationship is possible if a person is ruled by emotions, not reason. If a person is used to screaming, getting irritated, offended, then it is difficult to have a constructive conversation with him – any conversations and discussions will surely turn into a conflict. Therefore, work on yourself in order to be able to restrain emotions and live with your mind. Prevent resentment from interfering with family discussions. Instead of making complaints, learn to explain clearly how to do better for the family.
Distribute household chores:
So that housekeeping does not become a cause of contention, distribute the housework wisely. This is also achieved by open discussion. In a partnership, there should be no assumption that household is only a woman’s business. The key to healthy partnerships is the ability to speak.
Equal relations are not only equal earnings, but also mutual respect of partners, common cultural values and interests. The main thing is openness and willingness to discuss any problems.
The partner type of relationship is not suitable for emotional people without internal discipline: such people simply cannot adhere to agreements for a long time.